Nov / Dec 2006
Attracting the Opposite Sex
The Real Secret No One Ever Tells You
By Aurora Winter

What is the most attractive thing to the opposite sex? A hot body? A fat bank account? Youth? Power?

The real answer may surprise you. The most magnetic thing is authentic happiness. The happier you are, the more irresistible you are to the opposite sex.

And what is the least attractive thing to the opposite sex? Bitterness, resentment or yearning towards your ex. I can tell you from personal experience that no one wants to compete with a ghost. And it is a very small step between resenting your ex and being bitter at the entire opposite sex — including your date.

The good news is that, with a little coaching, resentment can be released and happiness can be dramatically increased. Psychologist, Martin Seligman, author of “Authentic Happiness”, reported only 10% of happiness is dependent upon circumstances, about 50% is determined by genetics, and an astonishing 40% of happiness is under immediate, voluntary control. Scientists have discovered external things (such as wealth, beauty, or power) don’t produce happiness. Happiness is an inside job.

David Lykken, from the University of Minnesota, researched 4,000 sets of twins over two decades and concluded that about 50% of one’s satisfaction with life comes from genetic programming. Lykken thinks that we each have a “happiness set point” much like our set point for body weight, and we tend to return to that set point.

Two key events seem to knock people below their happiness set point for years — loss of a job and loss of a spouse, whether through death or divorce. Many people suffer needlessly for years, believing the myth that “it just takes time.” It doesn’t just take time. It also takes action. The right actions can save you years of heartache and thousands of dollars of therapy. The right actions can help you nurture and create the happiness you so richly deserve. The right actions empower you by focusing on the 40% of happiness that is under your immediate control.

A few years after my husband died suddenly in bed beside me at the age of 33, I decided I wanted to get married again. I visualized the perfect partner and made a detailed list of all his qualities. As I prayed for God to bring this soulmate to me, I was struck by a thought. Did I belong with the man I had just described?
I realized that I didn’t. I hadn’t healed my broken heart enough to belong with the amazing man I had described. I put that list away and turned my attention from looking outwards for Mr. Right to looking inwards. I worked on myself.
About a year later, I was halfway through dinner with a business acquaintance when I was floored by the realization that he was everything on my list! But now I had healed and grown. Now I was a match for the man of my dreams. Six months later, we got engaged. That never would have happened if I hadn’t worked on myself.

There are two key ingredients to attracting the opposite sex:
1) happiness (which is feeling good about the present and the future) and
2) healing heartbreak (which is feeling good about the past).
In my workshops, I lead clients through exercises that heal the past, such as a relationship review that fosters forgiveness. Happiness can be dramatically enhanced by simple exercises such as writing down three blessings each day. Scientists have proven these exercises lift happiness for months.
As I coach my clients to release the past and embrace the present, the result is not only happiness and peace of mind, but an open heart. And an open heart invariably attracts the perfect partner.

Aurora Winter is founder of www.GriefCoachAcademy.com and author of “From Heartbreak to Happiness: An Intimate Diary of Healing.”

Dr. Wayne Dyer said, “I read every page of this beautiful diary—it touched my heart and I know it will impact yours.”

Read Aurora’s book for FREE. Visit: www.FromHeartbreaktoHappiness.com,

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