Coping With Crisis At Christmas
3 Steps To Helping Others
By Aurora Winter

When I think of Christmas, I think of a magical time of year when far-flung families reunite to sing Christmas carols and share eggnog and laughter. Children shriek with gleeful delight as they tear open their much-anticipated presents. The dining room table groans under the weight of the feast spread for everyone to enjoy as they spend quality time with each other.

But so often the reality of Christmas is a far cry from this idyllic fantasy. And sometimes a crisis casts a long shadow of gloom over the entire Christmas festivities. The crisis could be that your brother is getting divorced. Or your sister just got fired. Or your mother has cancer.

In my case, the first Christmas after my 33-year-old husband died was one of the loneliest times in my life. Nothing could fill the gaping hole his absence left in my life—and the life of our 5-year-old son. If you’re dealing with someone who is heartbroken or in crisis this Christmas, the good news is that a little coaching can make Christmas a lot more cheerful. Here are 3 steps to helping others.

1)  ACKNOWLEDGE

Denying that a painful situation exists doesn’t make it go away. Surprisingly, a simple acknowledgement of the situation and the feelings involved provides a great deal of relief.

For example, when my husband died, our son refused to enter anyone’s home without first announcing, “My Dad is dead.” Once that enormous fact was out in the open, my son felt ready to play. We could all learn from the innocent directness of children.

So many people make the mistake of ignoring the “elephant  in the room” because they have no idea what to say. Here are the top 10 things to say—and not say.

DON’T SAY:

• It just takes time
• Don’t feel bad
• You have to be strong
• You should be over it by now
• You need to keep busy

Instead, create a safe place for a compassionate conversation.

SAY:

• I can’t imagine how you feel.
• What happened?
• I imagine your world is upside-down right now?
• I’m right here with you.
• I don’t know what to say.

2)  LISTEN WITHOUT FIXING

After acknowledging the situation, the most precious gift you can give this Christmas is listening

The biggest mistake people make is they try to “fix” the problem. What people don't realize is that dealing with a profound loss is like having food poisoning. People need to get whatever is bothering them out of their system—by venting their feelings. People who “stuff” their feelings are keeping a lot of poison inside.

Most people don't realize what a huge gift they give when they simply listen with compassion. You don’t need to fix the problem.

3)  GIVE HOPE

To overcome adversity, hope is essential. Hope springs from three wells: inner strength, support team, and success stories.

INNER STRENGTH: If your brother is uncertain how he’s going to raise his children without his wife, remind him what a great father he is. Remind him of his inner strengths—and how he triumphed over adversity in the past.

SUPPORT TEAM: If your mother has cancer, reassure her that she has a caring support team—and that she won’t have to face this challenge alone.

SUCCESS STORIES: Knowing that another person has triumphed over adversity is a powerful source of inspiration, encouragement, and hope.

In my case, a young widow befriended me, and she became my “light at the end of the tunnel.” Whenever I saw her smile, I knew that I would be happy once again. She inspired me to publish own intimate diary of healing. My book, “From Heartbreak to Happiness,” has already encouraged thousands of readers, and accelerated their journey from pain to peace. As my Christmas gift to you, you can get a free copy by visiting www.FromHeartbreakToHappiness.com. This inspiring book is a great way to give the priceless gift of hope.

This Christmas, if someone calls on you with an emotional S-O-S, you know what to do: acknowledge, listen without fixing, and give hope. These 3 simple steps will help keep Christmas cheery!

Aurora Winter is founder of www.GriefCoachAcademy.com and author of “From Heartbreak to Happiness: An Intimate Diary of Healing.”

Dr. Wayne Dyer said, “I read every page of this beautiful diary—it touched my heart and I know it will impact yours.”

Read Aurora’s book for FREE. Visit: www.FromHeartbreaktoHappiness.com,

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