July / Aug 2007
The 90 Day Relationship Challenge
By Aurora Winter

Most of my clients are newly single. A pretty, articulate young woman I will call Emily was no exception.
Emily was bemoaning her current job search. I asked her what she really wanted. What would make her feel fulfilled?

She thought about that for a moment, then brightened as she discovered the answer. What she really wanted was not a better job. What she really wanted was to be a wife and mother.
I rejoiced in her new-found clarity. Emily sighed, discouraged. Before becoming a wife and mother, she needed to find a husband. And she wasn't even dating anyone remotely promising.
I asked her to describe her ideal mate. How old was he? What did he do?

She replied, "He could be any age or do anything."

"Honey, you have described the entire male population! No wonder the Universe isn't bringing you the right man," I said. "Or rather - it is bringing almost every man up for your consideration. How is that going? Do you have a hard time getting out of relationships that aren't going anywhere?"

She confessed that this was a big problem for her. Obviously a kind-hearted soul, she didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings or reject anyone. Unfortunately, by saying "yes" to others, she was really saying "no" to herself and her own dreams and goals.

I encouraged her. "You need to raise the bar. And get clear."

"I know," she readily agreed. "But how?"

I gave her this 90-day relationship challenge. And Emily eagerly agreed to do it.

If you are serious about attracting an amazing partner, I invite you commit to this 90-day challenge, too.

STEP 1: GET CLEAR
Describe your ideal partner in great detail. Age, looks, income, values, priorities, goals, etc..
For example, Emily's "He could be any age and do anything" description was actually not in authentic alignment with her vision of being a full-time Mom. She revised it to, "He is 35 to 45, earns $200,000 or more per year, and owns his own home."

I encouraged Emily to ask her dates the top five things that make them feel important, and really pay attention to their answers. People will consistently behave in a way that makes them feel important.
For instance, a man who felt important owning a Harley and taking off for spontaneous weekend bike trips with his buddies would behave in a fundamentally different way from a man who felt important providing for his family and playing with his children.

By choosing a man whose priorities support her key values, she won't have to manipulate, coerce, or beg for what she wants. Their goals will be aligned.
With that additional coaching, she further clarified that this man "values family and wants children. It makes him feel important to provide for his wife and children and he does so effortlessly and joyfully."

STEP 2: ENERGIZE YOUR INTENTION
The next step is to add juice (or energy) by focusing your attention on your ideal partner each day for 90 days.
Emily readily agreed to describe her ideal mate aloud every day, and pray each day that she was attracting the Divine right husband. I instructed her to pray knowing that it was already done.
Read the description of your ideal mate and ideal relationship aloud each day while in quiet contemplation or prayer. Make a vision board showing images of your ideal life with your partner.

STEP 3: NO MIXED SIGNALS
It is absolutely essential that you don't give the Universe any mixed signals for 90 days. Then I coached Emily not to have so much as a coffee date with any men that don't match her clear criteria. And no yearning over ex-boyfriends or lovers, either.

The Universe always brings us what we ask for, as long as we ask clearly and consistently. You are like a radio station broadcasting your favorite music. Stay tuned to the channel you want. If you like jazz, stay tuned to jazz. If you prefer rock, stay tuned to rock. Don't flip around. Don't send out static. Remain clear.

STEP 4: APPRECIATE YOURSELF
Every day for 90 days, write down at least one thing about yourself that you really appreciate. It might be your intelligence, your kindness, your empathy, your beautiful brown eyes, your smile, your slender fingers or even your belly button.

So often we self-sabotage because we subconsciously think we don't deserve our ideal partner. The antidote is to become conscious of all your God-given gifts. And if you think that is arrogant or vain, I invite you to become aware that you don't own anything that you think you "have". Your body is like a rental car from God. Appreciating your "loaner" is not vanity but an expression of gratitude to your Creator.

I also invite you to gaze into your eyes in the mirror each day, as if gazing into the eyes of your Beloved. While looking in the mirror, see only your own beauty and refuse to give any energy to habitual critical thoughts.

STEP 5: IMPROVE YOURSELF
For the next 90 days, rather than grasping at "straw people" or doubting that your ideal partner is being drawn to you, improve yourself.

If you have described your ideal mate as someone "healthy who likes biking and hiking" then become healthier and start biking and hiking yourself.

We know from The Law of Attraction that you are a very powerful magnet. Enhancing your own magnet is your highest payoff activity.

Many of my clients are heartbroken due to divorce, death, or a breakup. They feel their lives have been shattered. I help them pick up the pieces and rebuild a new, wonderful life. I help them to accelerate their journey from heartbreak to happiness. When people are heartbroken, their energy field is negative. Often, they are actually repelling their best life, best health, and best relationships.
When people are happy, they are naturally attractive, just like a magnet. They attract better jobs, better health, and better relationships. Now is time to focus on enhancing your own happiness. Take a workshop, read a book, hire a coach. Invest in your own peace of mind and happiness. This will make everything that is in your highest and best good flow to you easily and effortlessly.

STEP 6: OBSERVE RESULTS
For the next 90 days, witness what the Universe brings to you. You will likely discover not one but several outstanding people who fulfill the description of your ideal partner. With this evidence of abundance, you can release any scarcity thinking. You may choose to raise the bar and refocus with greater clarity for a second 90-day period. Or you may relax, knowing your ideal partner is already here - or very near.

If you are really serious about attracting a quality relationship, I invite you to take this 90-day challenge. Formalize your commitment by sending me an email. Then let me know what you experienced in 90 days. I look forward to hearing from you!

Remember, as it says in A Course in Miracles, "Infinite patience produces immediate results."

Aurora Winter is founder of www.GriefCoachAcademy.com and author of “From Heartbreak to Happiness: An Intimate Diary of Healing.”

Dr. Wayne Dyer said, “I read every page of this beautiful diary—it touched my heart and I know it will impact yours.”

Read Aurora’s book for FREE. Visit: www.FromHeartbreaktoHappiness.com,

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